I am a sports enthusiast, always been like that. No, seriously. Like since I was 5 fucking years old.
I am 35 now, and well, it is basically the same. The woman I love grew up playing soccer, she is a Spurs fan, enjoys a decent round of golf and is also known to talk a mean game of shit at the bowling alley. There is one sport however, in which she just does not care for.
Its the sport I love.
Americas backbone.
College Football.
Naturally, because this is important to me, she of course tries to get into it.
I give her credit, no doubt.
But when you reference the Miami Hurricanes as a completely different type of weather phenomenon, that, well that can’t be overlooked.
“Babe, I like that team in Florida, the Tornadoes, right?”
I didn’t know if I should laugh or cry.
At first I thought she might be joking, shit I wished she was to be honest.
I went on to explain how the mascot at The University of Miami is actually a Hurricane.
Not a fucking TORNADO.
Jesus, its South Florida not Nebraska.
But, she was expressing interest. Which is all a guy can really ask for right?
This epic tornado quote was just the tip of the goddamn iceberg.
Last season, we watched the opening Florida vs Miami game live.
Without her knowing, I captured some of her thoughts and observations.
Lets take a look…..
“Hasn’t the umpire run out of those yellow flags yet?”
Bear in mind I mentioned the chick likes soccer. In which red flags are handed out.
I almost let this one slide. Shit I did let it slide, considering how much of a smart ass I am.
“You just gotta look that one in.”
The ONLY reason or way this solid advice came out of her mouth was because the Legendary Uncle Kyle coined this phrase when teaching her 5 year old nephew how to catch a football. It should be noted that he is now 12 and a city wide ALL STAR. Thanks largely in part to my guidance I am sure.
Look it in. Just look that son of a bitch in.
“Is he missing a sock? I swear Florida’s jerseys are all fucked up.”
I admire the attention to detail here. As an avid uni guru, this was quite impressive.
“Miami sucks. They can’t block for shit and they can’t fucking tackle.”
This one made me chuckle because I think she heard Ray, my father, say this once.
These strong words from her while sporting a tee shirt with “The U” on it.
Go Tornadoes am I right?!?
“The coach needs to get control of those players. I can coach these fools better than his punk ass.”
It is note worthy that the coach she was referring to is the Miami head coach.
10 of 11 defensive starters for the Canes are certified Dade County, baby cause I’m a thug, home grown.
Think Warren Sapp, or Mike Irvin as an example. Ed Reed would be another solid reference.
“There should be a time limit to throw a flag, stop crushing people’s dreams.”
Whats with the flags man? She has major issues with the flag throwing. Major Issues folks.
“What the fuck is a chop block?!”
Only the single most effective form of blocking ever founded my lady.
“Someone needs to run some serious yards.”
Do I even have to say anything….
“They need to learn another way to tackle them, trip them or something, Fuck.”
I went on to explain that if you trip a player, then that is considered a penalty which would then result in a flag being thrown by the ref. I stopped right there, the fire in her eyes from hearing the word “flag” hit a nerve.
…..I don’t know everything about life. But I know this:
College Football with Fenn is pure bliss.
She still doesn’t give two shits about college football to this day.
Doesn’t matter. Pure. Bliss.
KP Sports 